I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
