Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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