Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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