I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize