Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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