did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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