never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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