then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
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banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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