you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
