Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
two words: eviction party
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
