It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i will never coherently bang her
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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