so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
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Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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