My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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