last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
