it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
