Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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