Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My vagina is very pro this idea
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
