Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
