I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
