Apparently you make a good broom.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
