Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
