I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
