Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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