I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
