You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
