matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
