i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
