I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
