can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize