i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
