So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
