Dual....:-)
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Randomize
