No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
