I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he thought i was a dude.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
