I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Couch. On fire.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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