there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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