I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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