Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
