Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
