Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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