where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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