It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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