you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
