Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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