Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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