I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
