she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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