i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
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Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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