nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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