im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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