Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
