chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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