i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
