Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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