What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
