I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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