My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
