I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
