Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
