dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
