im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
