look no pants
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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