He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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