are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
