his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
